Friday, August 22, 2008

2008 Olympics = World's Greatest DNA Breeding Ground

Alright so this has nothing to do with MMA, but since the Olympics are almost over and I haven't spent much if anytime talking about them in Whackerdom, I will give you the most interesting story of this Olympics. No, it is not Michael Phelps, although Stephanie Rice might change all that. Today, I am going to talk about athletes and sex. According to this story from Reuters, the athletes at the Sydney games romped so much that they actually ran out of condoms and the athletes at the Athens games received twice that amount, but it was still not enough to quench the sexual desires of the athletes. So the Chinese do what they always do, they go big, real big. The Chinese delivered over 100,000 condoms to the Olympic village, but it doesn't look like it's going to be enough to combat the invading hordes of sex craved athletes. That's right people; the country that built an entire wall to keep people out can't stop people from getting in on. Note to competition committee; add sport humping to 2012 games. After all, the 2012 games are taking place in of all places, "Swinging" London. Anyhow, Matthew Syed of the UK's Times describes the scene this way, "It is a common sight to see recently knocked-out athletes gorging on Magnums and McDonald's, swilling alcohol and, of course, shagging like crazy." His hilarious article is here. Considering that I am 5'8" and what I would call "office athletic" this whole scenario of super athletes screwing is rather frightening to me. I know it is weird that the thought of a massive orgy scares me; most guys would be hunting on youtube for a piece of the action, but bear with me for a second. These athletes were born with unbelievable physical ability (Tables Tennis, etc need not apply) and they are now mating. How the hell are my kids or your kids supposed to be good at any sport? These people are destroying any hope that my son will be a champion. They are breeding a master race people; its Darwinism at it's finest. Picture this, my future (and I can't stress future enough) son comes to me when he's five years old and says "hey Dad I want to win a Gold medal in 100m butterfly." I say, "Sure son. Let's head down to the pool and get some laps in tonight." But guess who's at the pool, little Mickey Phelps, that's right people the devil spawn of Michael Phelps and his Olympic sex mate Stephanie Rice. That's right, Mike took home eight Golds in Beijing but no one remembers that he finished off his Olympic run by picking up a ninth Gold in doggy style. So listen people, forget about Tibet, the smog, human right violations, and start worrying about all the F*cking that's going on at the Olympics because it's just ruining the chance for your children to do anything meaningful in athletic competition.

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